Comparison, our girls and this 57-year-old should know better

Last night, in the wee, dark, and lonely hours of the night

and early morning

I was hit by a bout of sleeplessness

I wrestled with it

and listened to audiobooks

which usually relax and distract me

but didn't,

and pulled out some old faithfuls

that used to lull me to sleep

but didn't.

I scrolled Instagram

which was a mistake of cataclysmic proportions.

I saw more stories of the 20+ young girls

who were swept away in the raging waters while

at a summer camp in Texas.

I saw what I believe was a picture of their bunk beds

and maybe their school bus

mostly submerged in murky flood waters.

I scrolled more

and more

and read rumors that the 2024 election might have been tampered with

(I will refrain from snarky comments)

and then I watched videos of menopausal women

who were winning in the battle of midlife belly fat

and millennial female personal trainers who look like they were a different species

or from a different planet than the menopausal women.

And all of this I allowed into my brain and my body

and I compared

when I should have been sleeping.

I compared myself to the women my age whose bellies were flat,

and to the millennials who wore the body that I used to have

but can't seem to get back.

And when I was on a roll

I continued to scroll

and scroll

I compared myself to her

and her

and her

and her

and if it was so easy for her

then it should be for me

but it's not

So why sin't it working for me?

What am I doing wrong?

What is wrong with ME?

And then, finally, when I was low enough 

and felt horrible enough,

I pulled my dopamine-greedy brain away from the screen.

I should have thrown it across the room.

I realized again,

for what seems like the millionth time,

what a teen girl must feel

with the constant comparison

that they can't escape

unless they live in a bubble.

I was reminded

again

what we are up against

and how if it was that difficult for ME

a 57-year-old, grown woman,

to not compare myself to others,

what must our teen girls feel like?

And how do we save them?

I don't know.

But I do know what works for me:

connection with friends and family

actual eye contact with them while we are speaking

focused listening

being in-the-present

listening

thinking

and responding thoughtfully.

What also works is

movement.

It moves the anxious energy out

and makes room for the calm.

And lastly,

getting outside and into NATURE.

Vitamin N.

Nature changes everything for me.

It opens up my swirling mind

and slows it down.

It brings my shoulders down

and unclenches my teeth.

Every part of me relaxes, and I remember what is

real.

It is no coincidence that while the world is spinning in the direction of more tech and screens, and AI, (all of which have their place, and are useful, I know)

Scott and I are going in the opposite direction.

We've always spent any free time we could in the woods

walking with the dogs

or just swinging in the hammocks that we have hanging between trees.

But now we find that we crave this time.

And NEED

it.

Our nervous systems thank us

and we are nicer to each other, our loved ones

and ourselves.