Before Children Learn to Read, They Learn How Reading Feels

If I could tell every new parent just one thing about early literacy in your home, it would be this:

You do not need a master's degree in reading. You do not need an expensive curriculum. You do not need to know how to teach phonics before your child starts kindergarten.

You simply need your lap.

I know that sounds almost too simple.

We spend so much time talking about how children learn to read that we often forget to talk about why they want to read in the first place.

Before children ever learn to recognize letters or sound out words, they are quietly learning something much more important.

They are learning how reading feels.

When your little one climbs into your lap and you open a picture book together, something beautiful begins to happen. You are not simply reading words on a page. You are creating an experience that their body and brain will remember.

Your voice becomes part of the story.

The warmth of your embrace becomes part of the story.

The rhythm of turning pages. The giggles over a silly illustration. The discussion around a character's choice. Even the feeling of being wrapped together in a favorite blanket.

These moments become woven together until, over time, books begin to represent something much bigger than reading.

They become associated with safety.

With connection.

With belonging.

As both an occupational therapy practitioner and a reading specialist, I think about the nervous system a great deal. Children learn best when they feel calm, connected, and secure.

A regulated nervous system creates fertile ground for learning.

When we make reading a peaceful, enjoyable part of family life, we aren't just building literacy skills. We are helping children develop positive emotional associations with books themselves.

That foundation matters.

In fact, I believe it matters more than we often realize.

Many parents ask me when they should begin teaching their children to read. My answer usually surprises them.

Start by reading to them.

Read long before you expect anything in return.

Read while they are still babies curled against your chest. Read while they build towers on the living room floor. Read before bedtime. Read after lunch. Read while you're waiting for dinner to finish cooking.

I even read to my children before they were born.

Then I read while I nursed them.

And somehow, without ever making reading feel like another assignment, books simply became part of who we were as a family.

That, more than any worksheet or flashcard, shaped their relationship with literacy.

One of the greatest misconceptions I hear is that read-alouds are only for young children. Families often stop reading together as soon as children become independent readers.

I would encourage you to keep going.

Some of our richest family memories have come long after picture books were packed away.

When our children were young, both Scott and I read the Harry Potter series to our children. Those evenings became part of our family's story. Even now, those books carry a sense of warmth and nostalgia because they remind us of time spent together.

Today, with only one of our children home, and in his twenties, our family is reading Dan Brown's newest novel together (The Secret of Secrets). As we've traveled through the story, we've found ourselves looking up photographs of Prague, talking about its history over dinner, imagining what it would be like to walk the same streets as the characters, and even dreaming about visiting one day.

That's what books do.

They become adventures we take together. They spark conversations that continue long after the chapter ends.

They invite us to wonder.

They encourage us to imagine.

They gently weave themselves into the culture of our family.

That is the gift of a read-aloud. It isn't simply about preparing children to decode words. It's about creating a family rhythm centered around stories, curiosity, and connection.

One day, your child won't fit quite so comfortably in your lap anymore.

One day, they will read beside you.

Eventually, they'll read independently.

Those are beautiful milestones, and we celebrate them.

But my hope is that the tradition itself never ends.

Perhaps your teenager will still ask, "Can we read one more chapter?"

Perhaps your grown child will call to recommend a novel they think you'll love.

Perhaps, years from now, you'll find yourself reading to your grandchildren in that same familiar voice.

In order to LEARN to read, our children need to have regulated nervous systems that feel safe enough to focus on learning.   

You can give your child the association that BOOKS = safety = LOVE.

It IS about the warm-fuzzies, the cuddles, the giggles.

Tonight, Scott and I want to leave you with one simple invitation:

Choose one book.

Turn off your phone.

Invite your child onto your lap, or snuggle beside them if they've outgrown it.

Read slowly and laugh often.

And then read another book to them when they ask.

Because in those quiet moments, you're doing far more than reading a story.

You are building trust.

You are building connection.

You are building joyful memories.

And, one page at a time, you are laying the foundation for a lifetime of joyful literacy.

• Download our free Guide to creating a Read-Aloud Ritual in your home.